FEARLESS? AND BRAVE? WONDER WOMON?

Well the (LESBIAN HOME DINING) action/event is beginning, and i am bringing up right away THE HOUSE, and i did o why o why did i? I started off by saying that the woman who was in charge of the apartment building in which i lived was becoming more and more agitated with the parking situation when ever we met, and that i was becoming more and more uncomfortable with having to deal with her over the parking. I also said that i thought it was time the group think about moving somewhere else because we were growing in numbers and i did not think the apartment would hold more of us, every one agreed to this. The womon G..... who originally offered THE HOUSE, mentioned that THE HOUSE was ready to be moved into and that i could move anytime i wanted to, another womon asked me if i was prepared to move and if not when? I told the group, that i did not think i wanted to move from the apartment, and that i thought it would be a good idea if the group move to THE HOUSE,its just that i didn't think i wanted to move. One womon asked me why did i not want to move,since THE HOUSE was in a better part of town, and that there was more room and privacy for the group, and it seem that the group would flourish better there. I acknowledged that THE HOUSE was indeed better for the group, but i did not want to move because i had some concerns that had not been addressed. And i told them my concerns, starting with what would happen to me if the group decided that they wanted to move again, would i not be stuck with a house that i could not afford to live in, and what about the increase in utilities and other services? I also asked about getting help from other wimmin if work had to be done at THE HOUSE since no men would be allowed there. Here are the responses i got. If the group decided to met somewhere else,G..... said she and i could work something out as far THE HOUSE was concerned, the group agreed as for the increase utilities, some of the money collected from our actions/events would be used to take care of the increase,as far as help in work on the house by other wimmin, those wimmin who had always helped would continue to do so. They could see my doubt and some of the wimmin addressed themselves to this, one womon said she thought it was a case of me developing more trust not only in myself but in other wimmin,at this comment me alter started talking in my head see she said i told you so, i forgot for the moment that is was she who talking to me and before i knew it i said out loud just freaking cool it, the wimmin looked at me as though they thought i had lost it, and i had,so i said don't fret i am losing if for the moment, it has nothing to do with you it really is me. And with that comment one womon said you know i am really becoming concerned about you. And i asked her so do you think its stress? Some of the wimmin thought i was being arrogant and said so, i started to explain what had happened and i thought of Gertrude S., when she said "explanation is composition" and i realized that i had no need nor desire to compose.Would you believe me alter got really crazy at this point and started talking like someone had given her mockingbird seeds, see she said, see i told you so , and again without thinking i answered her told me what ?what did you tell me? I asked out loud, the wimmin in the group looked at me as though i had really gone bonkers, and i said o don't mind me I'm just talking to myself,i mean what else could i have said that would have made sense? One of the wimmin asked, should we talk about this again at our next action/event? half of the wimmin said yes the other half said no, so the talk continues. I was getting tired of hearing about THE HOUSE, i wanted to hear what that womon who the last time said she felt guilty about eating any food had to say, so i asked if we could talk more about that, and everybody said no, including the womon, they said that they wanted to firm up then and there if the group would be moving and when, with or without me they said. Me alter said ha ha they will move with or without you so what do you think of that now sistergirl? Well i said to myself with or without me, here is my chance to get out of the group if that is really what i want, here is my chance, but you know what i did not say a word, at that moment i realized that i really wanted to be a part of the group, but if they wanted to move with or without me maybe they did not care if i was a part of the group or not. At this point me alter said to me o here comes Sir Doubt,this is really gonna be good, i feel a big one coming on, i open my mouth to say something only this time i heard it before it came out of my mouth and i closed it.So the talk went on and on ad naseaum, and the final decision was this, we would hold one more action/event at my apartment and start to move to THE HOUSE, the coming weekend, the wimmin again said to me that they would love to see me move with them, but that at i had every right to decided to stay where i was but to please let them know my decision within the next three days, i agreed to do that and the group ended on that note.