IT IS TIME TO GO

it is time to go or rather become homed, the life of a homeless womon is really beginning to get next to me i have been arrested twice on a whim, my patience is short, i want to get into a bath tub and take a bath, my clothing is beginning to really bother me although i can get more clothing from a lot of places, i just need to be in a house, i am tired of looking at and seeing so many homeless men, wimmin are really scarce out here and i can really see why, finding somewhere to sleep has been easier since i met J.... the snuff using womon, but even with her i find that my need to be in her company has or rather is still dwindling, my need to talk to my mother, sisters, and the other wimmin is getting stronger every minute, i find that my desire to be in close contact with people other than the wimmin i enjoy is at zero. everything seems to have taken on the odor of the streets the stench of the streets, i smell nothing but street smells, can not get them out of my nose, a short rain intensifies the odors, sunshine does not seem to take the odor away, i go into the stores and they stink, everything and everybody stinks to me, maintaining a vegetarian diet has not been difficult but it has not been easy either, everyone loves you initially when they look at you as a novelty, but after that you are still just a homeless. I know it is time for me to become HOMED. Now how do i do that and what do i tell about where i have been and what i have been doing, or do i tell at all? Is there some shame in being homeless and is there some dignity in being homeless and is there dignity and shame about being homed?

32 DAYS A HOMELESS WANNABE?

Well it has been 32 days that i have been a homeless womon, the new world that has opened to me is truly unbelievable, i really understand the idea again and again of "home is where the heart is", i know it is time for me to turn in my homeless womon wannabe badge and go home, i have talked to my mother and sisters again, i have talked to some of my wimmin friends still not telling any of them what i am really doing, i think i will talk to them about that when i go back to being a homed womon, for now i give my self two more days on the streets and i will go back to what i used to think was not so great now i know better. i have been placed in jail twice for a cop's whim, i do not want to go through that again, i do know now that it does not matter if you or wrong or right police can and will take you to jail on a whim, surely it may not create a jail record for you but the humiliation that one is taken through is inhumane and intentional. The last time in jail was for spitting after a police MAN had finished talking to me, he said i was spitting at him and i said i would not waste my spit on him, (go directly to jail ) for what? as he said by the time i get you there i will think of something. He was right i was charged with loitering held there for a day, saw a judge, released after 12 hours spent time served, cop did not show, and i am really pissed off, maybe next time i will spit on him. These thoughts will send me back to jail, time to leave the streets, i refuse to be run of the streets by cops, or do i? Me alter told me that some battles we choose and others choose us.

26 DAYS IN A ROW

Well day number 26 as a homeless wannabe i never would have imagined that i could last this many days living as a homeless womon and i have, my little purple book has become my real companion, whenever i get a chance no matter where i am i still find the time to write in her, i do this now and yet when i was a homed womon i seemed to have so little time to sit and write. Gertrude S., once said one writes when one is not being for when one is being how can one find the time to write, well i think i am being or am i? am i really being or doing? o well. when i become homed again i will do less writing, the writing is a way for me to release some of the feelings i am having and beginning to have about homedness and homelessness. i think that that is not possible, home really is where the heart is. i got a chance to meet another homeless womon other than the one who is now homed in the back yard of THE HOUSE. she was one of the homeless wimmin who carried all her goods in a grocery cart she was not really easy to get to talk to nor know, she was very suspicious and guarded of her things she reminded me of some of the homed wimmin i know. i got too close to her cart one day and she came screaming at me like a mad womon i backed up out of her way and said to her i meant no harm, seemed as though she growled at me but she was saying to me "get away " i did, so now whenever i see her i just nod and she nods back at me, i heard some of the men talking about her, one of them said she must have a lota goods in the cart where do she sleep? the other man noticed me watching them and touched the man talking he stopped talking. i thought to myself i bet she has every reason to growl and i did wonder where she slept i figured if she could find a place to sleep and not be bothered by men i wanted to know so i made it my business to see if i could become friends with her, i made sure i could follow around her without becoming to close but showing i wanted to be a friend well i wanted to find a safe place to sleep i noticed that she like chewing something and one day i asked her what it was she showed me the packet it was peach snuff and then i almost gaged cause she open her mouth and show me this black looking stuff that was stuck in her bottom jaw, she must have seen the horror on my face and started to laugh i smiled, looked at the packet and decided that i was going to buy some for her not now but one day i realized that i was being really devious my mind was intent on finding out where she slept, but i also knew not to move too fast with her she indeed was a very wise wise womon, i wondered about her age but i did not ask her. i made a connection in the land of the homeless there is still those of us who hold on with all our might with what we think belongs to us, however this is also true among the homed.well now me alter said to me truth finally finds the ignorant.is she calling me ignorant?