THE FIRST MEETING FOR ME

well i have accepted the reality that i must meet with the other wimmin in the group before i can go on with the idea of being a part, so tonight there is a meeting at THE HOUSE, i am very nervous about tonight, i will not be doing any cooking and will face everyone with little or no space to hide, me alter said i could hide outside around the fire and i just may do that. Gloria and Sally have made quite a few changes in THE HOUSE, i have to get use to having so much furniture in a room, when i left the only furniture i had in the living room was a big ugly comfortable chair and some pillows, now there is a couch, more chairs, a coffee table, an ottoman, and some bookcases filled with books on everything from apples to zen. i do not care for that much furniture but i don't live here anymore so i can accept it. Sally was as happy as she could be moving around in the kitchen, she asked me if i could or would show her how to make a vegan pate out of carrots and cashews, i did, then she asked me if i could show her how to flavor and cook tofu, i told her that if i am not to be in the kitchen until the group approved, then i would not show anything else after the tofu, she was OK with that. i noticed that she had baked some sweet potatoes, and had made collard green wraps which she said was her invention for the evening, that it was raw and that she hope others would like it, i asked if i could taste, she agreed, and wow what an invention. she had made the vegan pate and then wrapped it in the collard green leaf it was very very good, i told her so, she smiled. with her smile i realized that i really liked her very much, every since i had met here when she first came i always felt at home and comfortable with her, i wondered how old she was and was about to ask her that when Gloria came in the kitchen kissed her and told her that she was going to run some errands and wanted to know if she needed anything, it was at that moment that i realized that i wanted to be the one kissing Sally, i embarrassed myself. i left the kitchen and went outside to start a fire in the fire pit, the fire in me was burning like mad. wow what a fire i made, i had gotten so involved in making it i disregarded the height, Gloria came out looked at the fire looked at me, started to say something, changed her mind and went back into THE HOUSE. i started to lower the flames a bit by removing some of the wood, and scattering the fire. i know i must keep my mind and hands busy, i do not want to think of Sally nor Gloria at this time, i realized that i felt annoyance at myself for my thoughts, me alter came to me and asked are you falling in love or is it just you need sex? no i am not falling in love, and yes i need sex. alter said i do not believe you. i will be glad when the meeting begins, i think.